(Rueters) Tuesday May 6th–
Nuremberg, a southern German City located 170 kilometers north of Munich was ravaged by Hurricane Trip late last night. 75% of the 500,132 residents were left displaced, a death toll has not yet been established but officials fear it could climb into the hundreds as more bodies are being uncovered as rescue teams work around the clock.
Germany has not seen wide scale destruction like this since World War II. “My wife woke me up screeming in the middle of the night, just in time for me to see the roof fly off my home, that was the last time I saw her” said Helmut Von Wafer, local businessman. His wife’s body was found in a tree 3 miles away later in the day.
Geologists have been struggling to understand the magnitude of Hurricane Trips latest sighting. Currently they have it ranked slightly behind the Tsunami that hit Southeast Asia in 2004 and ahead of Hurricane Trips last sighting, when he destroyed a portion of East 23rd st. in Manhattan.
Scientists believe Hurricane Trip built up strengths on powerful beer at the Hausbrauerie Aldstadhof in Nuremberg. He then insulted the owners wife, poured beer on 3 patrons and then began spinning around causing 90 mph winds and flew out the roof. Trip came to rest in ditch 3 kilometers south of the town with 3 young German Maidens and an empty “Das Boot” from the film “Beerfest”
Bavaria declared a state of emergency and the German government has appealed to the European Union for 85,000,000 Euros in relief, to find homes for the displaced and bury the increasing number of dead.
With Hurricane Trips return imminent, officials in Bridgehampton New York have begun advising residents to board up their windows, stockpile potable water and other non perishable goods and prepare for the worst.
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